i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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