i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
