well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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