i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
