no you cant smoke seaweed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
