So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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