This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
