i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
