ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
