I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
