then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
