he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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