I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
