I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
