There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
