My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
