i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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