Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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