Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
