Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this beer tastes like vomit already
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
