Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
