could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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