im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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