Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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