That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize