all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
