She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
