ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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