Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize