i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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