Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
