You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
