With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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