Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
