i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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