What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
