my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
