come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
