so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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