I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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