Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
