so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
