she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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