I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
