Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize