My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize