and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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