What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
