i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
