im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
