Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
