I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
