New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
