i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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