Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fuck appropriateness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
