my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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