Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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