giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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