Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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