my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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