im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize