My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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