At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
