Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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