Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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