I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
