No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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